H~olla amigos! This job is exactly the position I've been looking for!
Forget all the other
biatchescandidates for Xbox One customer service manager.
- Organizing shit? check.
- Calling numbers and shit? Doublecheck.
- Customer support and shit? mega-check.
- Faxing numbers and shit? MOTHERFLIPPING CHECK ALL OVER THAT.
Don't believe me? check this shit out:
- I am devilishly handsome: I was Prom king two years in a row with two different queens.
- I am ridiculously smart (much smarter than albert Einstein) : i can solve any rubiks cube in front of your face with my magic fingers.I will bring one to prove it.
- I have pinpoint accuracy: I killed a hawk once with a ninja star.
- I am good for office morale: When someone cries I am all sympathetic and shit.
Need my resume? Nope. Not when you got my FACTS!
- I am honorable: I am the son of a librarian and a capricorn and shit.
- I am brave: I fight crime on weekends. I don't wear a cape like superman/batman/spiderman.. yo that shit is for PIMPS.
- I am dependable: Just call my name and i'll be there in a flashhh.
I'll pop in tomorrow to get my paperwork all signed up around 11 am or whenever I wake up.
No need for an interview, trust me you will love me. I got your address from google, because my internet research skills are the shit yo!
I actually have been to a spa near your building before a few times so i already know the area... i guess.
My best regards to your mother,
PST. My favorite color is TOUPE because it rhymes with DOPE!!