The unlockables you'll never unlock
Now that you can get Achievements for everything from buying an Xbox One to watching TV, developers are going to have to step up their game. We've set the ball rolling with some utterly tasteless suggestions.
For insights on how Microsoft redesigned the Achievements system for Xbox One, peruse our chat with Xbox Live exec Chad Gibson. You may also wish to read about the eight Xbox One achievements that every player should unlock.1. Chase Me - 33%
Watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation during December three years in a row on Netflix.
2. That was awkward
Kinect sensed four people in the room who haven't said anything to each other for 15 minutes in Fighter Within.
Kinect sensed tears while you were alone in Fighter Within.
4. Unhappy Mondays
Shouted "F***ing hell" 50 times in an hour in Killer Instinct.
5. Suits you!
You got the power sandals in Ryse: Son of Rome.
6. Geordie Boy
Voice command successfully understood and acted upon in North-East of UK in FIFA 14.
7. Melon Farmer
Obscenity screamed in excess of 100 decibels in FIFA 14.
Examined the wall textures for two hours in Ryse: Son of Rome.
9. Sick individual - 2%
Vomited 500 litres into vomitorium in Ryse: Son of Rome.
10. Up yours - 100%
Unlocked Frankie Howerd in Ryse: Son of Rome.
Gave the referee the finger in FIFA 14.
12. This is England
Lose after taking a promising early lead in FIFA 14.
13. Your five-a-day
Kinect detects Brussels sprouts on your dinner plate.14. I can't allow you to do that, Dave
Kinect sensed the outline of a PlayStation 4 controller in the room. Xbox is sad. Minus 250. System entering standby mode for 30-minute penalty in Xbox Dashboard.
15. Nine Points on Your licence
Three more and you'll have to do a non-skippable tutorial and attend a support group in Forza Motorsport 5.
16. Every Day is Like Sunday
14 hours continuous play on a Sunday in FIFA 14.
17. Every Day is Silent and Grey
14 hours continuous play on a Monday in FIFA 14.
18. You go, girl
Did one sit-up in Xbox Fitness.
19. Optical Expression
You didn't blink for four minutes in Battlefield 4. (Please press 'A' to confirm that you are still alive or Microsoft Automated Emergency Response will notify your local doctor.)
20. Dead hard - 5%
Kill 500 people using the wooden spoon in Dead Rising 3.
21. Dead harder - 1%
Eat 500 people using the chopsticks in Dead Rising 3.
Hummed the Rocky theme in Xbox Fitness.
23. Animal magic - 1%