Alright, lemme start first :)
Birthday
Husband: Hey, isn't it almost your birthday?
Wife: Yes?
Husband: Where would you like to go for your birthday?
Wife: uhm..... hehe, some place i haven't been to in a long time.
Husband: How about the kitchen?
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Lottery
Husband: Sweetheart, what would you do if we won the lottery?
Wife: ehhm.. hehe, i'd take half of the prize money and divorce you? Hehehe.
Husband: Good. We've won $30. Here's $15. Now get lost.
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