Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"
Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.
Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"
Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.
i remember this sens i was a kid
there was a guy with one hand only . he was about to kill him self when he watched a guy with no hands dancing ! he went to him and said " how do you do this ! how can you dance and you have no hands and i don't want to live any more because i have only one hand" . the guy replied " am not dancing you idiot ! my ass is etching like hell and i can't reach it !"
A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?" The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine."









damn you two are like comedians joke after joke lol
Your girlfriend is ugly when...
(1) She looks out the window and gets arrested for indecent exposure.
(2) As a baby, she had to be breast-fed by the family dog.
(3) Even mosquitoes stay away from her.
(4) She startles the animals at the zoo.
(5) On Halloween, she has to trick or treat over the phone.
(6) She makes onions cry.
(7) Her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a box of milk duds.
(8) Her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.
(9) The plastic surgeon wanted to add a tail.
(10) When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.
How are women and a pile of dog crap alike?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up !!!!!!!!!!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the street?
A: He didn't have the guts to do it.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owls
Owls who?
Yes owls 'who'.
[FONT=Arial Black]A Toaster is Truly A Weapon Of Mass Destruction[/FONT]
-___________=====ZTTSZER SZTDTL=====____________-
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.
So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.
"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.
So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes."
Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep
You should always give 100% at work...
12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday
Q. What is Osama bin Laden's idea of safe sex?
A. Marking the camels that kick.
Q. Why are women like condoms?
A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts.
Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the lady asks, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
A guy is in a bus chillin when a smoking hot nun walks in. He tells the nun "damn girl u fine i need to fuck you". The nun replies "tee hee, my body is devoted to god so I cant have sex. So the guy gets rejected and he moves back to his seat. As the guy walk off the bus, the bus driver guy spoke to him. He said "Hey man that nun goes to confession at noon today at the church down the street. That will be your chance to make a move. All you have to do is dress as a preacher and mention that god ask you to fuck her and your in haha." The guy decided to give it a try. So noon came around and the guy went to church. He snuck in the back for some preacher robes and put them on, then he spotted the nun go in the confession room.So he went inside as well. There the guy told the nun "GOD told me to fuck you". The nun says "oh really father hmmm okay i guess, but because of my commitment to our lord, I must do anal". The guy thought about and said okay why not. so he went into her confession space and did her anal, Afterword they came out together and the guy showed his face and said "SURPRISE im the guy off the bus". The nun said "SURPRISE im the bus driver haha".